Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
