theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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