the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
