are you so shy because you have an std?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
