I got chris browned last night
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
