They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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