tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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