would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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