well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
