Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
