somebody snuck up and got me drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
