my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
