yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
