Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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