It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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