dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i love accidental penises.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
