Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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