so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
