Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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