Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
