i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
