Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
