Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
