youre lurking in front of me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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