for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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