dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
