so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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