At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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