Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
