I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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