OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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