If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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