So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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