why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
