I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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