mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
