is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
we should paint friendship bongs
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