Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
