fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
