so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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