if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
