SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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