I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
