Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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