She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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