I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
