What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
