i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
