hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
