It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
