is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
