if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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