my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
