do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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