they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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