He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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