Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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