i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
