I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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