did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And then he peed in my hair
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