you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
