and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
