How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
