My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
