Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
