woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
