look no pants
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
