Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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