Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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