I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
