I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
